I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
