Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
