Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
