i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
