That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
tell me about the eggs
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
