dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Randomize
