there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
