just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Randomize
