I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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