whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
