Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
cat food counts as protein by the way
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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