Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Randomize
