I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
