Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
