Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
