So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
