well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
