eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
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