weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
