Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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