He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
