You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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