Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
You pole danced in your parka.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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