I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
