I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
