Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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