Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Randomize
