I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
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