it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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