I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Randomize
