My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
