One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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