He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
