Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
