naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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