You're my little dorito
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
