based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
a search helicopter?!
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
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