I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Randomize
