That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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