I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I love having hate sex.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Randomize
