I am in a vortex of obligation.
We named our party play list daddy issues
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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