I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I'm like, not good at living.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
