I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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