i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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