I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
