you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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