This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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