Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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