At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Randomize
