the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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