my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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