Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
last night I used snow as a chaser
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
