I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
