i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
