It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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