a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
