She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
