Too much gin, very little bucket
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
