Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
