oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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