life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
