If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
