I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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