i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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