He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
